【雅思作文批改】6分：词汇和句式不够丰富
知识问答 2022-03-12 03:14:48 admin
【雅思作文批改】6分：词汇和句式不够丰富
今天的题目是 我们是否还需要图书馆 ？这种话题主要是围绕互联网与图书馆的关系展开论述，这位同学最大的问题是词汇和句式不够丰富，最终得6分。下面来看看详细情况：
作文题目：
Some people think we do not need the library any more as we have access to information via internet, while others believe the role of the library cannot be replaced. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
作文内容：
The prevalent[b1] of using searching engines (like Google) indicates that gaining information from the internet gradually becomes a mainstream approach. Therefore, some people represent that library seems useless and it can be substituted by the internet. While others hold the belief that the role of library would not eliminate[b2] . This statement may be valid for some reasons.
To begin with, library is a good place creating the good learning atmosphere. It's quieter. So people could easily immerse themselves into learning and acquiring knowledge from the book sea. As a result, study efficiency can be highly enhanced. Otherwise, people would suffer a disturbance from a variety of irrelevant information from outside world while using the internet. In addition, library is also a huge treasure house with numerous of precious paper book which might be printed several years ago and now only have one edition exist. It is library that become[b3] the knowledge defender and becomethe witness of cultural heritage.
On the other hand, we should admit that acquiring information via internet is much more convenient. Given that computer and internet could help people sift and analyze mountains of information, we could find everything we need in a second time, just with a few clicks. Apart from that, internet provides everyone with a fair way for learning; that means people can get information at any time and any place without worrying about it is so late that library is closed or about[b4] it is too far to go to the library due to no library in their community areas.
In my opinion, though internet offer[b5] more convenience for people in this modern times, it cannot replac the role of library. After all, library s function is [b6] offer people a chance to touch the real paper book. In some cities, library has become a landmark and even a symbol of a city s culture. As for its drawbacks, they can be solved by establishing a[b7] online library and introducing more electronic books.
In conclusion, while the value of the library is challenged by the internet, it is still an indispensable part of people s daily life and knowledge broadcast.
[b1]这里应该用名词，改为prevalence
[b2]这里用被动式，改为be eliminated
[b3]用becomes，这句是强调句，主语是library
[b4]about可以去掉，前面已经有了，不用重复
[b5]改为offers
[b6]改为is to
[b7]用冠词an，后面的单词是以元音开始的
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章最大的问题就是词汇和句式的多样性没有达到，可以在平时积累一些各个方面的话题词汇和一些高级句式，在考试中灵活运用。
附批改原图：
今天的题目是 我们是否还需要图书馆 ？这种话题主要是围绕互联网与图书馆的关系展开论述，这位同学最大的问题是词汇和句式不够丰富，最终得6分。下面来看看详细情况：
作文题目：
Some people think we do not need the library any more as we have access to information via internet, while others believe the role of the library cannot be replaced. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
作文内容：
The prevalent[b1] of using searching engines (like Google) indicates that gaining information from the internet gradually becomes a mainstream approach. Therefore, some people represent that library seems useless and it can be substituted by the internet. While others hold the belief that the role of library would not eliminate[b2] . This statement may be valid for some reasons.
To begin with, library is a good place creating the good learning atmosphere. It's quieter. So people could easily immerse themselves into learning and acquiring knowledge from the book sea. As a result, study efficiency can be highly enhanced. Otherwise, people would suffer a disturbance from a variety of irrelevant information from outside world while using the internet. In addition, library is also a huge treasure house with numerous of precious paper book which might be printed several years ago and now only have one edition exist. It is library that become[b3] the knowledge defender and becomethe witness of cultural heritage.
On the other hand, we should admit that acquiring information via internet is much more convenient. Given that computer and internet could help people sift and analyze mountains of information, we could find everything we need in a second time, just with a few clicks. Apart from that, internet provides everyone with a fair way for learning; that means people can get information at any time and any place without worrying about it is so late that library is closed or about[b4] it is too far to go to the library due to no library in their community areas.
In my opinion, though internet offer[b5] more convenience for people in this modern times, it cannot replac the role of library. After all, library s function is [b6] offer people a chance to touch the real paper book. In some cities, library has become a landmark and even a symbol of a city s culture. As for its drawbacks, they can be solved by establishing a[b7] online library and introducing more electronic books.
In conclusion, while the value of the library is challenged by the internet, it is still an indispensable part of people s daily life and knowledge broadcast.
[b1]这里应该用名词，改为prevalence
[b2]这里用被动式，改为be eliminated
[b3]用becomes，这句是强调句，主语是library
[b4]about可以去掉，前面已经有了，不用重复
[b5]改为offers
[b6]改为is to
[b7]用冠词an，后面的单词是以元音开始的
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章最大的问题就是词汇和句式的多样性没有达到，可以在平时积累一些各个方面的话题词汇和一些高级句式，在考试中灵活运用。
附批改原图：
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