【雅思作文批改】5分：句式和词汇单一（附2篇范文）
知识问答 2022-03-11 05:29:15 admin
【雅思作文批改】5分：句式和词汇单一（附2篇范文）
当今社会非常看重一个人是否有 雄心大志 。你认为这对于那些想成功的人士来说有多重要?此类观点是积极还是消极的体现呢? 描述一种社会现象，并展现认证，这位同学最大的问题是词汇和句式不够丰富，最终得5分。
作文题目:
Do you think how important it is for people to want success in life? Is ambition a positive or negative characteristic?
作文内容：
It is common for normal people to be desired to success[b1] in certain field, which have[b2] a positive effect on people s life. Although ambition may lead to same[b3] undesirable competitions, it also motivates people to be successful in the life.
Aspiring to success plays an important role in people s job prospects, and it is an essential part of everyone s life. Those who want to be achiever may make great efforts either in their studying and their working. Consequently, they are able to earn more money and improve their social status, living a better quality of life.
Generally, appreciate[b4] ambition also means that people maybe positive and responsible, which are core personalities in one s career development. In order to prompt their position, they are more likely to work carefully and efficiently. For example, an ambitious architect will construct a consumer-oriented house, which is more comfortable and safe, instead of just completing his tasks without considering residents needs.
On the other hand, exceeding ambition is able to pose a threat to individuals and society. For example, if a businessman only concentrates on success, he may reduce the cost of production illegal[b5] and ignore the quantity[b6] of goods, which may be harmful to consumers safety or health. And he will also end up in prison.
In my opinion, ambition is one of the characteristic [b7] that I appreciate most. Although it will make people greed and reasonless, it still can encourage us to be successful as long as we treat it in a correct way.
[b1]用动词 succeed
[b2]has
[b3]拼写错误 some
[b4]这里应该是appropriate
[b5]用副词 illegally
[b6]这里应该是质量 quality
[b7]用复数形式 characteristics
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章最大的问题就是词汇和句式比较单一，可以多积累一些话题词汇和高分句式，多加练习，灵活运用。
给出解决方案：
题目关键词：Ambition, How important, Positive, Negative
题目分类及题型确定：此类文章为 抽象类 话题，在具体行文时，可参照 双问号 的写作思路和方法。
相关考题：
1.Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? (110312)
附：考官范文
第一篇
In this essay, I shall look at the importance of success to people and at whether ambition is positive or negative.
I think that it is usually beneficial for people to want success in life, mainly because it can encourage them to do things in better ways. If a person wants to be successful at their studies, this desire for success usually has the effect of making them study harder. However, this is not always true. We can see this in IELTS, wher some students have hired other people to take the test for them. The importance of success has encouraged them to try to cheat. If this is successful, it means that the successful people are not the ones who are the most capable and hard-working. Instead it means that those willing to behave in illegal or immoral ways will succeed. Of course, these people are a small minority, but they cannot be allowed to succeed.
Consequently, we can see that ambition can be a positive characteristic, pushing people to study harder, work harder and create positive relationships with other people. These things push society forward, both economically and socially. However, there have to be rules. These rules need to ensure that people have a fair chance. Some of these rules can be created and enforced by institutions such as universities, when deciding on admissions for example. Others need to be enforced by government. This is why it is so important for governments to deal with corruption. If they do not, the most capable people are unsuccessful, affecting the whole country.
To conclude, I think that it is good for people to want success and have ambition, so long as they do not cheat to succeed.
第二篇
There is no doubt that people s aspiration to success is important and it guides people through the process towards their goals. Being ambitious is considered to be the essential quality of successful people. In my point of view, ambition brings about advantages as well as disadvantages in people s life.
People with strong ambition tend to set high goals in their study or work and devote themselves to achieving these goals. With enthusiasm to their study or work, they are more self-disciplined and self-motivated than those who have less desire for success. When met with hardships, ambitious people show more courage and determination to overcome the barriers, as they cannot put up with failure. In addition, since competition is getting fierce in every aspect of our life, people with high ambition are more likely to adapt to the society and defeat their rivals.
However, ambition may cause negative impacts in some circumstances if not handled properly. For instance, it is common that people in big cities are stressed in their work as they fail to strike a balance between work and other parts of life. Many people are over-burdened with tasks, striving for higher salary and promotion. Similarly, sense of competition is a double-edged sword. Some people are so eager for personal success that their behavior may jeopardize other people s interest. As a result, their relationship with colleagues becomes tense, which is harmful to their career development in the long term.
To sum up, ambition gives people an advantage in terms of coping with challengers on their way to towards success, but people should also be aware of the negative effects of being over-ambitious. The key is to realistic ideals and work step by step to realize them.
end
当今社会非常看重一个人是否有 雄心大志 。你认为这对于那些想成功的人士来说有多重要?此类观点是积极还是消极的体现呢? 描述一种社会现象，并展现认证，这位同学最大的问题是词汇和句式不够丰富，最终得5分。
作文题目:
Do you think how important it is for people to want success in life? Is ambition a positive or negative characteristic?
作文内容：
It is common for normal people to be desired to success[b1] in certain field, which have[b2] a positive effect on people s life. Although ambition may lead to same[b3] undesirable competitions, it also motivates people to be successful in the life.
Aspiring to success plays an important role in people s job prospects, and it is an essential part of everyone s life. Those who want to be achiever may make great efforts either in their studying and their working. Consequently, they are able to earn more money and improve their social status, living a better quality of life.
Generally, appreciate[b4] ambition also means that people maybe positive and responsible, which are core personalities in one s career development. In order to prompt their position, they are more likely to work carefully and efficiently. For example, an ambitious architect will construct a consumer-oriented house, which is more comfortable and safe, instead of just completing his tasks without considering residents needs.
On the other hand, exceeding ambition is able to pose a threat to individuals and society. For example, if a businessman only concentrates on success, he may reduce the cost of production illegal[b5] and ignore the quantity[b6] of goods, which may be harmful to consumers safety or health. And he will also end up in prison.
In my opinion, ambition is one of the characteristic [b7] that I appreciate most. Although it will make people greed and reasonless, it still can encourage us to be successful as long as we treat it in a correct way.
[b1]用动词 succeed
[b2]has
[b3]拼写错误 some
[b4]这里应该是appropriate
[b5]用副词 illegally
[b6]这里应该是质量 quality
[b7]用复数形式 characteristics
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章最大的问题就是词汇和句式比较单一，可以多积累一些话题词汇和高分句式，多加练习，灵活运用。
给出解决方案：
题目关键词：Ambition, How important, Positive, Negative
题目分类及题型确定：此类文章为 抽象类 话题，在具体行文时，可参照 双问号 的写作思路和方法。
相关考题：
1.Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? (110312)
附：考官范文
第一篇
In this essay, I shall look at the importance of success to people and at whether ambition is positive or negative.
I think that it is usually beneficial for people to want success in life, mainly because it can encourage them to do things in better ways. If a person wants to be successful at their studies, this desire for success usually has the effect of making them study harder. However, this is not always true. We can see this in IELTS, wher some students have hired other people to take the test for them. The importance of success has encouraged them to try to cheat. If this is successful, it means that the successful people are not the ones who are the most capable and hard-working. Instead it means that those willing to behave in illegal or immoral ways will succeed. Of course, these people are a small minority, but they cannot be allowed to succeed.
Consequently, we can see that ambition can be a positive characteristic, pushing people to study harder, work harder and create positive relationships with other people. These things push society forward, both economically and socially. However, there have to be rules. These rules need to ensure that people have a fair chance. Some of these rules can be created and enforced by institutions such as universities, when deciding on admissions for example. Others need to be enforced by government. This is why it is so important for governments to deal with corruption. If they do not, the most capable people are unsuccessful, affecting the whole country.
To conclude, I think that it is good for people to want success and have ambition, so long as they do not cheat to succeed.
第二篇
There is no doubt that people s aspiration to success is important and it guides people through the process towards their goals. Being ambitious is considered to be the essential quality of successful people. In my point of view, ambition brings about advantages as well as disadvantages in people s life.
People with strong ambition tend to set high goals in their study or work and devote themselves to achieving these goals. With enthusiasm to their study or work, they are more self-disciplined and self-motivated than those who have less desire for success. When met with hardships, ambitious people show more courage and determination to overcome the barriers, as they cannot put up with failure. In addition, since competition is getting fierce in every aspect of our life, people with high ambition are more likely to adapt to the society and defeat their rivals.
However, ambition may cause negative impacts in some circumstances if not handled properly. For instance, it is common that people in big cities are stressed in their work as they fail to strike a balance between work and other parts of life. Many people are over-burdened with tasks, striving for higher salary and promotion. Similarly, sense of competition is a double-edged sword. Some people are so eager for personal success that their behavior may jeopardize other people s interest. As a result, their relationship with colleagues becomes tense, which is harmful to their career development in the long term.
To sum up, ambition gives people an advantage in terms of coping with challengers on their way to towards success, but people should also be aware of the negative effects of being over-ambitious. The key is to realistic ideals and work step by step to realize them.
end
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