【雅思作文批改】6.5分：单个论点铺开完整流畅 词汇量有待积累
知识问答 2022-03-14 02:47:02 admin
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：单个论点铺开完整流畅，词汇量有待积累
今天的题目是 广告对我们生活的影响是正面大于负面吗？ 这们位同学单个论点铺开比较完整流畅，文章组织架构也值得加分，最大的问题是词汇量不够，需多多积累。
作文题目:
We are surrounded by all kinds of advertising and this is increasingly influencing our life.Do the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?
作文内容：
In today s consumer oriented market,the competition between companies are increasingly fierce which breed the overwhelming amount of advertisements in people s daily lives.From my perspective,the disadvantages overtake the advantages.
There is no doubt that advertisements can make people s buying process easier[A1] .Since advertisements are everywher such as commercials during[A2] the breaks,streets or even subways,individuals can get the information about a certain product without any difficulty,which means,consumer can save a large amount of time because they do not need to go to a real store to know about the products.Moreover,as the price is published in advertising,people would not be over charged.Thus,advertisements are beneficial to buyers product choosing and buying in certain aspects.[A3]
However,an inappropriate large range of [A4] advertisements can result in the troublesome feelings of consumers.Advertising s main purpose is to persuade people to buy as much as possible because companies strive for profits.Therefore most of the advertisements focus only on the bright side of the products without showing the dark side which may result in [A5] misunderstanding of the products.Furthermore,consumers may be fed up with over whelming amount of advertisements.For instance,if someone is watching TV and commercials are frequently depicted,he will probably be mad due to the unsatisfied TV experience.As the object of most companies is to chase maximum profit,the advertisements can actually annoy and mislead individuals.
To conclude,although advertising can[A6] help to make buying easier by saving time and publishing the price,it can lead to misunderstanding and confused feelings of people.Hence,the authorities should enhance laws to regulate the system of advertisements.
[A1] 此处make it easier to do更简练
[A2] 该词用于某段时间，此处不合适
[A3] 这句话放着是不是多余
[A4] Excessive就可以搞定了，太罗嗦
[A5] 不符合表达习惯，这里其实就是产品的优劣势，disadvantages ， advantages
[A6] 这里的can最好用could或者might，表示个人推测
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
文章整体的完成情况很好，在任务完成、结构上比较突出。论点和论证上面都比较清晰，有逻辑性，可以提升的点在语法和句式、词汇的运用上，锤炼一下句式，替换用一些高级词汇分效果会更好。
词汇有待扩充，句型可以更多样化，建议多多学习雅思词汇极其用法，还有多阅读英文原版文章，提炼语句。
end
今天的题目是 广告对我们生活的影响是正面大于负面吗？ 这们位同学单个论点铺开比较完整流畅，文章组织架构也值得加分，最大的问题是词汇量不够，需多多积累。
作文题目:
We are surrounded by all kinds of advertising and this is increasingly influencing our life.Do the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?
作文内容：
In today s consumer oriented market,the competition between companies are increasingly fierce which breed the overwhelming amount of advertisements in people s daily lives.From my perspective,the disadvantages overtake the advantages.
There is no doubt that advertisements can make people s buying process easier[A1] .Since advertisements are everywher such as commercials during[A2] the breaks,streets or even subways,individuals can get the information about a certain product without any difficulty,which means,consumer can save a large amount of time because they do not need to go to a real store to know about the products.Moreover,as the price is published in advertising,people would not be over charged.Thus,advertisements are beneficial to buyers product choosing and buying in certain aspects.[A3]
However,an inappropriate large range of [A4] advertisements can result in the troublesome feelings of consumers.Advertising s main purpose is to persuade people to buy as much as possible because companies strive for profits.Therefore most of the advertisements focus only on the bright side of the products without showing the dark side which may result in [A5] misunderstanding of the products.Furthermore,consumers may be fed up with over whelming amount of advertisements.For instance,if someone is watching TV and commercials are frequently depicted,he will probably be mad due to the unsatisfied TV experience.As the object of most companies is to chase maximum profit,the advertisements can actually annoy and mislead individuals.
To conclude,although advertising can[A6] help to make buying easier by saving time and publishing the price,it can lead to misunderstanding and confused feelings of people.Hence,the authorities should enhance laws to regulate the system of advertisements.
[A1] 此处make it easier to do更简练
[A2] 该词用于某段时间，此处不合适
[A3] 这句话放着是不是多余
[A4] Excessive就可以搞定了，太罗嗦
[A5] 不符合表达习惯，这里其实就是产品的优劣势，disadvantages ， advantages
[A6] 这里的can最好用could或者might，表示个人推测
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
文章整体的完成情况很好，在任务完成、结构上比较突出。论点和论证上面都比较清晰，有逻辑性，可以提升的点在语法和句式、词汇的运用上，锤炼一下句式，替换用一些高级词汇分效果会更好。
词汇有待扩充，句型可以更多样化，建议多多学习雅思词汇极其用法，还有多阅读英文原版文章，提炼语句。
end
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