【雅思作文批改】6分：避免不必要的语法错误
知识问答 2022-03-17 01:29:30 admin
【雅思作文批改】6分：避免不必要的语法错误
今天的题目是讨论环境能源发展问题，像这样的题目，不但考验你的英语能力，还考验你的知识面，雅思考试一般比较生活化，但专业性的知识也会考，大家平时在复习的时候要注意积累多样素材。这位同学最大的问题是语法错误较多，而且都不是大毛病，平时得多注意，不要在这种小错误上吃亏~
作文题目：
作文内容：
In modern era, individuals are becoming increasingly focused on environment[A1] . Although in some countries, fossil fuels like [A2] coal and oil are still the main sources of energy, I tend to believe [A3] that the authorities should take actions to promote clean energy such as wind and solar energy which are more eco-friendly and sustainable.
There is no doubt that alternative sources of energy are not as effective as fossil fuels due to the fact that alternative energy relies on natural conditions.For instance, as for wind energy, if there is no wind, then [A4] the generator cannot produce electricity, as [A5] a result, some working machines may be forced to stop and thus influence the efficiency of the factory. This circumstance would not happen with fossil fuels.
However,fossil fuels are not eco-friendly which could breed air pollution and global warming. It is widely acknowledged that fossil fuels could be detrimental to the eco-system because of [A6] the harmful chemicals emitted to the air when they [A7] are burning.Moreover,since people live in the only one earth breathing [A8] in the air,those chemicals can even result in certain troublesome conditions in people s health.Furthermore,the burning of fossil fuels also discharge large amount of carbon dioxide which is the main contributor to global warming[A9] .Nowadays, individuals pay much attention to global warming as it is accelerating with time going on,namely, the situation is getting significantly serious.Global warming would lead to not only the loss of habitat for some animals[A10] but also the less distinct seasons all year round.Therefore, the task of decreasing the emission of carbon dioxide should be put in the first place,which means,alternative sources of energy need to be quickly developed.
In conclusion, present-day environment is under danger with problems of air pollution and global warming which result from fossil fuels. Hence, the official institutions have the duty to advance and promote the use of alternative sources of energy to protect human s health[A11] .
[A1]搭配不当，environmental issue
[A2]写作不用like，太口语化
[A3]相信...应该...，这个搭配不对，改成argue
[A4]删除
[A5]大写，另起一句
[A6]这个后面加的是短语，后面是从句用because
[A7]指代不明确，只能就近指代，不能指fossil fuel
[A8]这个也只能就近指代
[A9]全球变暖可以归结到第一点的eco-system，这个论据使用不太好，可以把这个论据放在第二点去说
[A10]some species
[A11]这里越说越小了，前面还在说生态问题，到最后一句就只剩健康了
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
最大问题是不必要的语法错误。注意写从句修饰时的修饰对象。此外，在内容上，第二段写到了用清洁能源的局限性，在二段结尾或者三段可以反驳一下，不能让缺点写出来就孤立，可以说在某些地方还是可以使用清洁能源的，让文章过渡更自然。
附批改原图：
END
今天的题目是讨论环境能源发展问题，像这样的题目，不但考验你的英语能力，还考验你的知识面，雅思考试一般比较生活化，但专业性的知识也会考，大家平时在复习的时候要注意积累多样素材。这位同学最大的问题是语法错误较多，而且都不是大毛病，平时得多注意，不要在这种小错误上吃亏~
作文题目：
作文内容：
In modern era, individuals are becoming increasingly focused on environment[A1] . Although in some countries, fossil fuels like [A2] coal and oil are still the main sources of energy, I tend to believe [A3] that the authorities should take actions to promote clean energy such as wind and solar energy which are more eco-friendly and sustainable.
There is no doubt that alternative sources of energy are not as effective as fossil fuels due to the fact that alternative energy relies on natural conditions.For instance, as for wind energy, if there is no wind, then [A4] the generator cannot produce electricity, as [A5] a result, some working machines may be forced to stop and thus influence the efficiency of the factory. This circumstance would not happen with fossil fuels.
However,fossil fuels are not eco-friendly which could breed air pollution and global warming. It is widely acknowledged that fossil fuels could be detrimental to the eco-system because of [A6] the harmful chemicals emitted to the air when they [A7] are burning.Moreover,since people live in the only one earth breathing [A8] in the air,those chemicals can even result in certain troublesome conditions in people s health.Furthermore,the burning of fossil fuels also discharge large amount of carbon dioxide which is the main contributor to global warming[A9] .Nowadays, individuals pay much attention to global warming as it is accelerating with time going on,namely, the situation is getting significantly serious.Global warming would lead to not only the loss of habitat for some animals[A10] but also the less distinct seasons all year round.Therefore, the task of decreasing the emission of carbon dioxide should be put in the first place,which means,alternative sources of energy need to be quickly developed.
In conclusion, present-day environment is under danger with problems of air pollution and global warming which result from fossil fuels. Hence, the official institutions have the duty to advance and promote the use of alternative sources of energy to protect human s health[A11] .
[A1]搭配不当，environmental issue
[A2]写作不用like，太口语化
[A3]相信...应该...，这个搭配不对，改成argue
[A4]删除
[A5]大写，另起一句
[A6]这个后面加的是短语，后面是从句用because
[A7]指代不明确，只能就近指代，不能指fossil fuel
[A8]这个也只能就近指代
[A9]全球变暖可以归结到第一点的eco-system，这个论据使用不太好，可以把这个论据放在第二点去说
[A10]some species
[A11]这里越说越小了，前面还在说生态问题，到最后一句就只剩健康了
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
最大问题是不必要的语法错误。注意写从句修饰时的修饰对象。此外，在内容上，第二段写到了用清洁能源的局限性，在二段结尾或者三段可以反驳一下，不能让缺点写出来就孤立，可以说在某些地方还是可以使用清洁能源的，让文章过渡更自然。
附批改原图：
END
标签：
相关文章
发表评论
评论列表