【雅思作文批改】6分：对图文观察不够仔细
知识问答 2022-03-20 18:57:38 admin
【雅思作文批改】6分：对图文观察不够仔细
这位同学雅思考了7分，可是作文稍微差点，拉了不少分，这次他用的是今年4月29日的雅思作文原题目，整体还不错，就是对某些信息点描述的得够完整。
作文题目：
作文内容：
The diagram is related to the changes of Bridgetown between 1700 and 2000.
On the north side of the river, there were a market place, woods, a castle in northeast in 1700, as well as an arch bridge on the river, while in 2000, the castle was replaced by a community school, and the built-up area also expanded relatively. The market place, woods and the bridge remained.
On the south side of the river, in 1700, the whole area was farmland except a road which connected the north and the south, but in 2000, the farmland was all changed into built-up area, and the connecting road was replaced by a bypass went[A1] around the built-up area in west area. A railway line in the east had been constructed at that time.
The changes of Bridgetown from 1700 to 2000 showed its industrial development in these years, interestingly, however, Bridgetown did not lose too many original characteristics, for example, it preserved the market place, the woods, and the bridge.
【A1】going
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章简洁，信息也基本介绍清楚了，而且无语法错误。但是对两个图观察还不够仔细。
1. 文章城区是在河道南北，但河流走向是东北西南，道路和铁路走向均为西北东南，图中给出了指示方向的标志，所以方位可以再精确一点
2. woods 变化比较明显，面积变小，而且第二幅图在城区内，靠近铁路。
3. Bypass和railway经过河流时是underground，这一点没指出。
4. 结尾段，用industrial不太合适，可以改为city，而且城区规模是之前的两倍，发展为一个circle，这一点也没指出。
小作文一定要仔细观察对比两幅图，把图中明显的信息进行对比，再进行阐述，并且要将图中的信息进行正确的描述和转达。
附批改原图：
END
这位同学雅思考了7分，可是作文稍微差点，拉了不少分，这次他用的是今年4月29日的雅思作文原题目，整体还不错，就是对某些信息点描述的得够完整。
作文题目：
作文内容：
The diagram is related to the changes of Bridgetown between 1700 and 2000.
On the north side of the river, there were a market place, woods, a castle in northeast in 1700, as well as an arch bridge on the river, while in 2000, the castle was replaced by a community school, and the built-up area also expanded relatively. The market place, woods and the bridge remained.
On the south side of the river, in 1700, the whole area was farmland except a road which connected the north and the south, but in 2000, the farmland was all changed into built-up area, and the connecting road was replaced by a bypass went[A1] around the built-up area in west area. A railway line in the east had been constructed at that time.
The changes of Bridgetown from 1700 to 2000 showed its industrial development in these years, interestingly, however, Bridgetown did not lose too many original characteristics, for example, it preserved the market place, the woods, and the bridge.
【A1】going
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
文章简洁，信息也基本介绍清楚了，而且无语法错误。但是对两个图观察还不够仔细。
1. 文章城区是在河道南北，但河流走向是东北西南，道路和铁路走向均为西北东南，图中给出了指示方向的标志，所以方位可以再精确一点
2. woods 变化比较明显，面积变小，而且第二幅图在城区内，靠近铁路。
3. Bypass和railway经过河流时是underground，这一点没指出。
4. 结尾段，用industrial不太合适，可以改为city，而且城区规模是之前的两倍，发展为一个circle，这一点也没指出。
小作文一定要仔细观察对比两幅图，把图中明显的信息进行对比，再进行阐述，并且要将图中的信息进行正确的描述和转达。
附批改原图：
END
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